I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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