She's JV to your varsity
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
