How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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