Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
