babies were throwing up all over the place
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
