how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
