508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
