Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
