I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
