nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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