I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
