i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
