Pants 0. Shit 1.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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