Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
