I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
