I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
