I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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