I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
