thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We need to get me chipped asap
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
