i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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