You can't motorboat a personality
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
