The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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