What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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