I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
