You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
