you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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