I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
