I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
