my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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