I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
