Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
