You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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