maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
