I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
