Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
