I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
