White coat. Heels.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
