Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
