If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
