we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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