dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
