I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
where are my eyebrows?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
