I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
