Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
