Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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