His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
