dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
