____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
