Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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