He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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