I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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